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I have been busy

For the past two days I’ve been working my tail end off.  Much to do, things to prepare, line up the ducks, gather the eggs in a couple of baskets.

But I promise it will all be worth it in the end.

Point my feet

Every morning when I get out of bed, I say “Point my feet in the right direction today, and put the people I need in my path.”  Every morning without fail.

Today was no exception. 

There were some things that needed to be taken care of.  Tomorrow was the deadline.  I was beginning to stress today.  Panic more like it.  I needed to have things settled tonight, so that I could sleep.  I needed to know there was a plan.  I didn’t have one. 

I made a phone call.  To the church in town. Something that took more of me than I can put into words.  I walked away from “the church” when my father walked away from his marriage. I haven’t been back since, and now I was going to go ask for help. 

I explained the whole situation to the minister, and explained that I knew that the help he could offer, if any would be limited, but would be more than I had, but I knew this because my father had been a minister for years.  He said they could help and he would get back with me tomorrow.  “Now you mentioned your father was a minister.”

Yes

And his name would be?

And I told him.  Why, who is this?

Becky, this is and he told me his name.  He is one of the pastors that served with my father at our last church.  I knew this man, and he knew me, and my feet had been pointed in the right direction and the person who could help had been put in my path.

I’m not out of the woods yet.  There are still pipers to pay, dragons to slay, but tonight I am settled.  I have a plan for the next step and I know that it will be ok. 

Beware of low hanging branches

Look out for low hanging branches while riding around on your high horse.

Did ya hear?

Wanna know what kind of day I’m having?

Newt woke up on the crab ass side of the bed this morning. She was crabby and bossy and mean today. Snapping and yelling at me and her sister.

I got to work today to find out that out of an office staff of 8, 3 of us called in and one of the ones sent home because she was sick yesterday came back today to spread more germs.

Two of our warehouse guys are out.

And three truck drivers.

Our phone system doesn’t work, therefore we have no voice mail and phone calls can not be transferred between extentions.

Every load we have off loaded from trucks today has had damaged product on it.

And it’s only 9:30.

oy

This just in…

Britney is now allowed phone contact with her two young sons.  Still no visitation but phone calls allowed.

Let the drunk dialing begin.

Dear Co-Worker who showed up today coughing up a lung, and spreading sick germs all around the office

It is not my fault you used all of your sick time ‘recovering’ from ’surgery’ in Dallas with your girlfriend and now you have no sick time left. If I get sick because you’re here hacking and gagging and spreading germs everywhere, please give me your doctor’s name and number so that I can ‘recover’ in the Bahamas with the Palm Trees. I hear they have magical healing powers.

Thanks.

All By Myself

*Disclaimer* Let it be known from the very beginning of this post that I am not pointing fingers or laying blame on anyone.

 

I was listening to my favorite doctor on the radio last week. I don’t remember if it was a caller who called in, or an email she received that prompted her to make a comment along the lines of moving your children around often in their formative years makes it difficult for them to form strong long lasting bonds with friends. That caught me, and pissed me off. HEY! Kids bounce. They’re resilient. They adapt. We moved every three years on average all my life and I turned out ok.

Or did I?

That 2^nd thought hit me like a ton of bricks, days later. I didn’t turn out ok. Yes, there were other mitigating factors in that outcome. But I’m sure our nomadic existence, played a part.

I don’t have many real friends. I don’t know many people here outside of Batman’s family, their friends and the people I work with. I have a couple of friends from my school years (high school and college) that I stay in contact with, via the computer and the phone, and one other that I’ve never met but via the computer she’s become my lifeline at times. I have a few I chat with online, but I rarely go out and do anything face to face with them.

I can’t speak for my brother or my sister. I do know that my brother was a member of a fraternity in college and stays in contact with some of his frat brothers quite a bit. My sister has been a part of a large community for years now, and she has put down roots. I am the screwed up one. I have continued to move every three years, (even if from one end of town to the other, or even across the hall to a new apartment) all of my life.

I used to have extroverted tendencies. When things were going to hell in hand baskets in my life, I would draw everyone around me into the drama, and I would blog about it. That course of action is biting me firmly in the ass right now. Now, not only can I not blog about things going on, I am finding it hard to put it all out there, even if I could. Maybe it’s the reaching out, and getting burned that’s got me closing in on myself. Maybe it’s being in love with an introvert who closes in on himself when he feels overwhelmed. Maybe it’s a downward spiral. Maybe it’s realizing that when the chips are down, and it’s crunch time, no one is truly there for me. I am alone. And I have no one to think for that but myself.

I had several conversations this weekend regarding a person in my life that is no longer there for me the way they used to be. Batman doesn’t understand how that is possible. Bumper is not even vaguely surprised. Bumper has the benefit of years of history. Batman not so much. Either way it’s mind boggling to him. I reached out for help and they couldn’t give it. I can accept that. What got me, was they never bothered to pick up the phone to see if I actually got the help I needed. It pisses me off, but it doesn’t surprise me. That’s the history. *Whew, glad that’s not me.* Put on some happy music and get over it.

It’s not just friends I don’t have a close relationship with. I don’t have a close relationship with my family either. None of them. Never really have. I’ve never sat down and had a heart to heart talk with my mother. My siblings and I rarely talk about anything serious, it’s all joking around all the time. At this point in my life, I rarely talk to any of them at all. My father might check in every month to make sure I’m still breathing. But the road goes both ways. I don’t make any more of an effort than they do. That’s the relationship I have had with them all my life. I’ve never cried to my mother over a broken heart. I’ve never talked to my father about boys. My sister and I have very little in common beyond DNA and my brother and I have just drifted apart.

Do I blame any of this on our nomadic existence? No. Do I blame any of this on my parents? No. I will admit I’m sure those were contributors to how I ended up here, but after a point they were no longer responsible for my life. I made the choices and the decisions I made. Not them. Those choices and those decisions landed me here.

Just testing things out

I am playing with my blog. Making changes. Some seen, most unseen. I am learning much, and learning what I still need to learn. So please excuse the mess if there is one. Please excuse the test posts like this one. Please excuse any unexplained absences. Just assume there has been some minor disaster here on the blog-site, and when I dig out from the rubble and brace up the ceiling again, I’ll be back.